Ditch the hustle

What if you could grow your business without funnels, fear-based marketing or faking it?

We are often encouraged to put aside our personal life and told that being apolitical makes us approachable. And, feeling those high stakes high, maybe you’re scared to try something different. But what if success could come from a more relational, values-driven approach?

My colleagues in the coaching industry created sales pages from templates, funneling would-be-clients into a value-ladder system through free ebooks and summits, workshops, coaching and subscription models. I was told to create memberships, start my own podcast and push the upsells. The coaching world was all about hustle and urgency. I noticed that many marketed themselves through fear and scarcity tactics as powerful rescuers who would liberate people who felt lost. That felt predatory.

I didn’t want to follow a predatory approach to success—I wanted a liberatory, relational approach.

Mel Cassidy

I wanted a business plan that embodied the same relational values I taught: inclusion, accessibility, trauma-sensitivity, collaboration and personal agency. I also believed that relational, trust-based approaches to marketing and coaching would work much better for my long-term business growth and client retention.

An unconventional path to purpose-driven coaching

I've never been one for following the rules. I've always been that kid constantly asking, “But why?” and then wanting to figure out their own way to do something.

My life has been unconventional: I was born in the UK to a Greek-Romani mother and English-Irish father and I grew up in Kuwait. My career path has been likewise eclectic: actor, retail manager, bodyworker, matchmaker. Today, I’m a somatic relationship coach, specializing in working with polyamory, relationship anarchy and other forms of consensual non-monogamy.

Starting my relationship coaching practice in 2015 meant venturing into unexplored terrain. I was working with a niche market and despite living in the Pacific-North West in a city with a high prevalence of polyamorous relationships, I wanted to reach an audience beyond my geographical area—which meant working online. I had the training to help a married client who was falling in love with someone who wasn’t their spouse, and I knew how to help that spouse navigate jealousy. But I didn’t know how I was going to find that client, turn a profit, or even how I was ever going to make this my full-time career.

But I was certain that the way I coached clients needed to be reflected in my business practices, which meant working relationally. I wanted to be authentic, honest about my relationship experiences and get to know the people who might‌ want my support. This ethos of relationality has become the foundation of how I write articles on my blog, what I post to social media, how I’ve set—and adjusted—my fees and so much more.

The intention and energy we put into connection matters. As a stage actor, I could perform the same role through many performances, reciting my lines and allowing my body and face to convey expressions that helped to tell a story. But unless I was deeply connected to my character’s intention, the audience wouldn’t feel moved by the story I was telling.

It turns out that showing up authentically and being relational helps you stand out.

Mel Cassidy

As a bodyworker, I learned that the way my hands made contact with my client’s body could immediately convey trust and safety—and a client that felt safe would respond more positively to the bodywork I offered. I also found that this connection began right when I would greet my clients. Making eye contact, asking them about themselves and what they were looking for in their massage, and the way I guided them out of the deeply relaxing massage state to reintegrate with the rest of the world.

In customer service roles—whether as a coffee shop barista or a retail associate—I quickly found that warm, authentic engagement generated more sales and customer loyalty than any standard service script or forceful sales tactics.

Being non-monogamous and queer, I had sought out support for my mental health and prioritized a couple of things. I wanted to be sure those people understood non-monogamy, and I also wanted them to understand the kinds of complex life experiences and values I carried with me that informed how I engaged in relationships.

So, why would it be any different in my coaching practice?

One of the joys of being an entrepreneur is that I don’t have to pretzel myself to anyone else’s value system.

Mel Cassidy

Work relationally to build client trust and retention

The healthiest relationships are collaborative. The more tightly we hold onto a personal agenda, the more likely we’ll override someone’s agency, which impacts ‌trust in the relationship. If that trust is compromised and clients still want what a coach is offering, they might be doing so in a state of “fawning” or people-pleasing.

I’ve struggled with my own people-pleasing in friendships and partnerships, and I didn’t want my future clients to feel stuck in this space with me. I had to ensure I was growing my business in response to who was showing up, what they were asking for and working with my strengths and passions.

Thanks to a blog I'd been writing, I already had a substantial social media following.

But my readers didn’t yet know me as a coach and there were so many other people I wanted to reach.

I created some short, fun and free and pay-what-you-can workshops that I took to music festivals, conferences, and wellness studios to get my name out there. They were immensely popular, and to this day, one of my favorite memories is teaching over a hundred people in a barn at a music festival just before the headliners hit the main stage across the field. I still have people come up to me who first met me at that workshop, and several have gone on to become coaching clients.

I also ran occasional full-day in-person workshops that brought in more revenue and gained a solid following, helping me grow my mailing list. I promoted myself exclusively online, benefitting from the heyday of Facebook events and groups to amplify the power of word-of-mouth marketing. Slowly but surely, I started to grow my coaching practice and I had fun doing it.

In 2017 I noticed some recurring themes, both with coaching clients and in workshops. I created a six-week course to support folks wanting to dive into the internal process of undoing patriarchy and developing a more embodied and liberated approach to their relationships.

Use sliding-scale pricing as a long-term growth strategy

When you work in a niche field, knowing how to price your work can be challenging. There were several factors at play—some practical, while others were related to mindset

When I launched this online course, I felt so new—but I also knew it would be life-changing. I was ready to launch the offering, but I didn’t feel like I could create my ideal finished package. Plus, I was humble enough to acknowledge that I wouldn’t be undoing patriarchy in six weeks.

So I made a decision. I charged a fee that felt reasonable for a six-week course with group calls and course content. And I made it lifetime access so that folks could keep coming back without any extra cost, allowing them to benefit from a community of practice.

To date, over 500 people around the world have been part of this course. Many have become coaching clients and regular attendees at my online workshops.

They’re also my biggest fans and promoters. The relationality I brought to my work created strong professional relationships with my clients, and they in turn enthusiastically share my work with their communities. This means I’m still growing a thriving business with a minimal advertising budget.

Let your values guide your marketing

I didn’t venture into Instagram and daily social media posting until 2020. I did it because I wanted to write a book and was advised that publishers looked for writers with a strong following. Again, leading with my relational values, I wrote and shared authentically on my Instagram rather than using sales copy. I took a few social media prompt calendars, re-imagined their prompts as questions from would-be clients, and considered how I might respond. Over time, I started to develop a comfortable routine where my social media posts would inspire articles, and those articles would inspire workshops.

When the world moved online during the lockdowns in 2020, I was well-positioned to start offering small workshops through Zoom. I also started playing with a pricing model for my coaching. For the first nine months of the COVID-19 pandemic, I sent clients invoices enabled for partial payment and encouraged them to pay what they could afford.

Moving into 2021, I reviewed what clients had paid and created three pricing tiers: regular, low-income, and student/hardship. I now employ this model across all my offerings. I find that I have as many people coming to see me at the student/hardship rate as my regular rate. Those who pay more help me offset my costs and keep my coaching services accessible to those who need and want it.

As my business and following grew, I learned to get clear about leading with my values. I chose to be transparent about my politics on social media and my website. I don’t want to waste people’s time or money if they aren’t aligned with my personal and political values, because I know I’m not the right coach for them.

Being this transparent was scary—I feared the backlash, but when it came, I found that the clarity I had about my values helped me to navigate any difficult conversations about it. As much as being this transparent meant turning away potential clients, I found I had far more clients choosing to work with me because I was so clear. It created immediate trust when they recognized we shared some common values.

It turns out that showing up authentically and working relationally helps you stand out. In 2023, I signed my first book contract with a publisher who took an interest in my work because I was so clear about my values on social media.

Apply relational practices in your own business

If you’re wondering how you might apply a similar approach to growing your own business, here are some questions that encourage you to reflect on the relationship you’re building with your clients.

• What values and content matter to you?
• Why are these values and subjects important to you? What formative experiences led you to prioritize in this way?
• How do you embody these values in your life and in your relationships?
• How do you let your clients know your values before they work with you, and how do you affirm them as you work?
• Where do you want your work with clients to take you— and them?

One of the joys of being an entrepreneur and self-employed is that I don’t have to pretzel myself to anyone else’s value system. I can be true to myself, and that's liberating. I have had to trust that what I was offering was genuinely unique. The surprising side effect of this has been that I still consistently get to have fun doing what I do. 

Being relational has meant that the clients who come to work with me and the students who show up for my courses and workshops are people I genuinely want to support and work with. There’s no sense of dread about starting a day of work, and even when a week has been exhausting, it’s a satisfying sense of exhaustion. I never wonder why I do what I do.

If you take one thing from this article, let it be this: in business, how you show up to your relationships is everything. So be honest, be authentic and be yourself.