As entrepreneurs, what type of values should we emulate to accelerate and bolster our success? Let’s emphasize on this, as well: what type of values should we emulate to better connect with our target customers? One that comes to mind is empathy.
Long before I knew what the word empathy meant, I was writing poetry. The sound of rhymes soothed me, as did metaphors translated into symbols of greater weight. By the time I was 18, I was performing poetry at open mic events, writing for the school newspaper’s literary section and writing poems as gifts to loved ones.
Many praised my ability to write poems that read as empowering and encouraging, which I cultivated through continuous exploration of metaphors turned into messages. As one friend told me, “Your poems make me feel seen.”
As I reached my early 20s, I began to wonder if my poetry was just as impactful for strangers as it was to those closest to me. I felt as if my poems needed to pass some sort of test. So, in 2019, while I briefly lived in New York for an internship, I spent my weekends trekking to Washington Square Park and sitting with other street artists.
I held a large, welcoming sign: “Tell me your story, and I’ll write you a poem.” I never required payment for a poem. I just had a small can for optional cash tips.
I received an unexpectedly beautiful gift from this weekend endeavor: the opportunity to turn a client’s story or pain points into a hyper consumer-centric solution. Later, I opened Lines by Lianza, a small business that sold framed and customized poetry to suit each customer’s desires. I ran my poetry business on-and-off for three years. In that time, I also won a few community poetry contests and even published in Optum’s (a division of UnitedHealth Group) “Ignite All” book.
And it all rooted itself back to empathy.
Empathy vs. compassion
Don’t be fooled by the heading above. Empathy and compassion aren’t two opposing elements in a binary. One isn’t better than the other. However, in the context of people-centered poetry, empathy takes precedence. Because to write for others, you have to understand others.
Empathy can be described as the heightened awareness of other people’s emotions that translates into a deepened understanding of the other’s experiences. For example, listening to a friend cry about a hardship in life and feeling their pain along with them.
Empathy involves putting on a person’s metaphorical shoes and walking a mile in them. Compassion is more focused on a call to action as a result of one’s empathy.
Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself.Mohsin Hamid
When I write a poem, I need to reach out into a person’s feelings and translate these into the way I write poetry. To write a touching poem requires empathy. To have empathy requires being an active listener.
Overcome your biases and listen without judgment
The first day I ever did street poetry, I was approached by a heavy set man smoking a cigarette. He wanted a poem. Being a woman of color who has experienced harassment, I instinctively felt my defenses go up, ready to run at the first sign of trouble.
But he wanted a poem and I thought, “Why would I be picky about who I write poems for?” especially if I yearned to be a better writer?
I listened to his story. I learned that he had just been released from jail that day, after a former employer fought for his release by paying for legal representation. He wanted a poem dedicated to his former employer, as a thank you for his dedication. I could feel my heart swell as he recounted the joy he felt after being released. This man became emotional when I gave him the final product, which was a poem written front-to-back on an index card.
By listening to this man and writing a poem, I learned to never allow first impressions to skew how I view a client. The takeaway around empathy from this anecdote is that overcoming initial biases and genuinely listening to clients' stories can reveal their true needs and foster more meaningful solutions to their problem or desired outcome.
Entrepreneurs can apply this lesson by practicing active listening skills to every customer they meet.
Don’t make immediate assumptions based on how you have experienced the world. Sit with the customer, note their complex emotions, and don’t attempt to immediately solve their problems. Sit, listen and know that they are the ones who best understand what they’re going through, not you. You can come closer to understanding them when you listen with empathy.
Ask questions to deepen your understanding
A new client reached out to me over email to ask if I could write a poem for his wife, just in time for Mother’s Day. He explained that his wife was handling childcare for their newborn son and was going through postpartum depression while also missing her career.
I asked him deeper questions about their relationships as a new family and what their day-to-day experiences were as they navigated their future as parents. Those questions led to exploring what their dreams were for the future. The customer got emotional, even at one point thanking me, a stranger, for being willing to listen to the entirety of his experiences.
I wrote the poem, leveraging all the details I got from them. The husband later emailed me saying that his wife cried over the poem, which made me feel satisfied. Even when I worried if my follow-up questions felt invasive, they proved instrumental in creating the best poem that empathized with their experience.
Whatever the situation, entrepreneurs need to ask follow-up questions. If something requires greater exploration or clarification, take the path and ask. Don’t stop short of the immediate information you’ve gotten, else you might run the risk of not having enough details to make better decisions. Always, always maintain that curiosity.
Sustain the practice of empathetic listening
One thing that doesn’t get talked about is how exhausting it can be to continuously activate your empathy. Even when you love the work you do, it can bog you down to constantly think about the needs of your clients. It might even discourage you from creating your best work when you have empathy fatigue, such as not taking the time to identify key pain points or making assumptions about your customers.
In times like these it’s crucial to reflect the empathy you give to your clients back to yourself.
I’ve done so by taking significant time to read the poetry of others, taking two or three days off from writing and surrounding myself with other art. Breaks like this can give you renewed energy to do your best work when you come back. In doing so, you continue to sustainably lend your ears to others, all the while getting time to reflect on your journey.
Honor your energy and rest. Be as empathetic to yourself as you would be to your customers, to prevent burnout and maintain your ability to provide genuine customer support.
Listening, especially active listening, is a key action to activate your empathy because it involves taking time to understand the emotions of others, through non-judgemental communication, open-ended questions and reflective responses.
But active listening takes practice. Reach out to a long-time customer and start practicing your empathy skills. Talk to them about their pain points when using your product –focus on the experience, not the immediate solution to create. If you’re newer to the entrepreneurship world, reach out to a close friend and talk to them about their experience with a topic you’re interested in. Note down your observations and ask for feedback from them.
Practice, practice, practice –in the same way that I practiced empathetic listening while writing poetry, do the same for yourself and your business.