At 30, I thought I’d made it. Executive title, check. A seat at the table and a fancy expense account. Check, check.
On paper, I’d achieved everything I thought success looked like with the “dream job” in a high-growth organization brimming with entrepreneurial spirit. Life goals complete. Right? Oh, how very wrong I was! After ignoring the telltale signs of mystery pains, sleepless nights and disinterest in anything outside of work for too long, the unsustainable sprint I’d been doing since university caught up with me.
I put “success” above all else. It didn’t matter how many bridges I burned, how awful I felt, how many family events I missed or trips I canceled. All my worth came from work.
And seemingly overnight, I was on long-term disability with a full-blown burnout that had manifested into a chronic illness. I was left with trying to unravel how I’d let things get so bad. The truth is, I’d fallen headfirst into the trap of believing that burnout is a badge of courage or a rite of passage for every leader. I’d drunk the Kool-Aid that the only way to achieve success was to keep going no matter what happened to my well-being. Fast forward 10 years, and I’m now an intrapreneur helping organizations scale more sustainably and an entrepreneur empowering leaders to reclaim their well-being as they rise.
But this didn’t happen overnight. It meant questioning beliefs, examining my values, moving through discomfort, and taking giant leaps of faith. It meant accepting that leadership is about a lot more than having all the answers, controlling everything and pushing through no matter what. It meant leaving behind multiple dream jobs to reinvent myself in new industries, roles and identities that were more aligned. I embraced the idea that professional growth comes from personal growth. And I doubled down on atypical leadership development. I disrupted what it looks like to lead (and live) through immersive training in coaching, mindfulness, somatic and trauma-informed practices that I brought with me to the workplace.
And what a journey it’s been! Here's what I've learned on my path of moving from a stressed-out executive to an empowered leader and entrepreneur.
Change the narrative on burnout
All over LinkedIn, we love celebrating the heroic stories of leaders rising from burnout. Don’t get me wrong, I love a “phoenix rising from the ashes” moment, but what if we shift how we think about burnout altogether? Instead of expending all our energy and time digging ourselves out of burnout, let’s focus on empowering ourselves to proactively stop it from happening in the first place. Let’s celebrate that. Just think about how much more energy and time we'd have to pour into our passions to move meaningful work forward.
Let go of work-life balance
I know that’s a controversial directive, but hear me out! I spent years trying to strike a balance between my work and life with very limited success, and I’m here to tell you it’s not possible. The old me had steadfast boundaries with separate phones, inboxes, wardrobes, calendars, values and even personalities. I thought that was what it meant to be professional. But it didn't work for me. It’s simply not sustainable. Why? Because it’s unrealistic to force ourselves to compartmentalize every part of our lives. We can’t flip a switch to be suddenly stress-free depending on our location or what we’re doing. It’s exhausting, depleting and downright defeating.
That’s where work-life integration comes in, where we aim to make space for showing up more authentically and consistently across all aspects of our lives. This takes less energy, less time and gives us more space for the things that have real meaning and impact.
If this is a new concept for you, start small. Here are a few areas of integration to consider:
- Wardrobe: Are there ways you can streamline what you wear to ease the transition between work and time with family? Dress up a fun print with a blazer. Dress down by slipping into flats.
- Planning: How can you integrate all aspects of your life into your calendar when planning your week? Think about exercise, social time, big work priorities and other things that matter to you.
- Values: Do you have two sets of values? If yes, see if you can combine them so there’s a common thread between work and the rest of your life.
Shift your relationship with stress
It’s easy to think that stress is inherently bad - that’s what we’re taught. But the good news is stress can actually serve us. It can teach us to understand our capacity for life’s challenges, keep us safe and help us do amazing things. But it’s important to note that we’re not meant to stay in this stressed-out state. Here’s a quick guide for understanding the difference between good and bad stress:
Good stress boosts focus, gives us energy, mobilizes us across a literal (or metaphorical) finish line.
Bad stress depletes energy, makes us reactive, stuck, wired and tired.
When we learn to differentiate between good stress and bad stress and how this shows up in our body and brain, we can start to crack the burnout code. Because, as it turns out, our brain and body both tell a different story. The fun part? You get to learn an entirely new language, the language of the body, and a way to communicate with yourself and others. How’s that for empowerment? So, the next time you feel the familiar signs of stress creeping in, take a pause and ask yourself, “Is this good stress or bad stress?” The answer might just surprise you.
Know the signs of burnout
I fell into burnout because I ignored and dismissed the signs that I was reaching my capacity. I pretended I didn’t have a tipping point, but we all do, no matter how successful we are on the outside.
Now, I use SIBAM, a somatic-based model developed by Peter Levine, to decode how stress shows up for me. Here’s a quick intro:
- Sensations: What changes are you noticing in temperature, muscle activity, digestion, and balance?
- Images: Are you experiencing any flashbacks, thought loops, floods of memories or changes in dreams?
- Behavior: What shifts are you seeing in the way you’re acting?
- Affect: What emotions are present and dominate how we feel? (fear, sadness, anger, joy, etc.,)
- Meaning: What beliefs, judgments, and interpretations are coming up to try and make sense of what you’re experiencing?
Start by doing a daily check-in before you dive into the workday. This will help you build awareness of how stress shows up for you and give you an advance warning system when things start to tip into overwhelm.
Redefine success
This is the greatest lesson I’ve learned (and will continue to learn). I used to think success was all about power, fancy perks, money and the big title, but look at where that got me. Sick, tired and literally spent.
Do I still care about money and recognition? Heck yes, I want to get paid what I’m worth, but it’s about so much more than that.
Now, success also looks like having gas in the tank to be present with my family on the weekend instead of staring blankly at the wall on a Friday night. It’s about having the capacity to run a big meeting and be able to notice the beauty of a blue sky afterward. It’s about redefining rest as a way to fuel my unrelenting drive.
Get curious about what success looks like for you outside of what we’re taught and led to believe. This is redefining success on our own terms.
A new brand of courage
In truth, the journey from being a stressed-out executive to an empowered leader and entrepreneur never really ends. It’s a lifelong commitment and a practice to building awareness, responding instead of reacting and balancing empathy with accountability.
Ten years ago, I was on long-term disability, fundamentally misaligned with my work and disconnected from who I was.
But after dismantling everything I'd learned about worth, identity and well-being and reassembling what had real meaning outside of societal expectations, everything changed. I now live free of chronic illness, have incredible access to joy and have made huge leaps to embrace the wholeness of my identity as an intrapreneur and entrepreneur.
It meant rejecting worn-out conventions and choosing a new brand of courage. It was hard work, but wow, was it ever worth it.