Networking is an essential part of building any business and can open opportunities you may not have expected. Whether it’s raising capital, expanding your market or finding the right people to work with, business relationships matter.
Professionals agree that networking is valuable for their careers and believe that face-to-face meetings build stronger business relationships. A Forbes insights report confirms this, as it shows that 85% of respondents preferred in person business meetings stating it builds stronger and more meaningful relationships.
There’s also a financial impact to networking. A study by Oxford Economics revealed that business executives believed they would lose 28% of their business if they stopped networking.
Even if you haven’t encountered these statistics, you’ve probably received guidance from mentors, peers and even books that networking is crucial for business success.
Putting yourself out there
At the start of my career I remember feeling super awkward and having to mentally prepare myself to talk to people at network events. I never knew how much to share or what questions to ask. As I got more comfortable with networking and putting myself out there, I learned what worked for me and what didn't.
I also observed that one particular approach to networking really rubbed people the wrong way: transactional networking. You’ve likely experienced (or participated in) this way of networking before, if you’ve ever:
- Only asked a question because you were eager to be asked the same question
- Dominated the conversation by pitching yourself and your skillset
- Found yourself listening only to respond i.e. focusing on what you are going to say back instead of really listening to what is being said to you
The conversation feels fake and unsatisfying for all parties. It alienates people and wastes everyone's time. So, you end up closing the door instead of opening it up for opportunities.
When I meet a person for the first time, I focus on two things.
- I talk about myself less, asking thoughtful questions and practicing active listening.
- I try to learn if there is anything I can do to help the other person.
I’ve found this relational approach to networking creates a great first impression that allows for rich follow up.
Cultivating a relational approach to networking
In a relational model of networking, you focus on the other person first and express a genuine interest in what they have to say. If you anticipate meeting someone who might be an important connection, you can do some research to prep for meeting them.
Read any articles they have written or look up their projects to better understand what they do. Do they mention a personal passion that you happen to share? Or a professional association that is close to your industry? As you research, look for things you can weave into the conversation.
Let me paint you a picture of an extreme case of transactional networking I experienced.
I was watching a panel when the moderator asked investors in the audience to raise their hands, so I raised mine. He also asked startup founders to raise their hands. The panel ended, networking started, and I connected with a couple of people.
Towards the end of the event I was speaking with a colleague in the corner about an important event we were planning. Another person inserted himself into our conversation, interrupting our discussion. This founder looked at me and said, "You raised your hand, right? You are an investor?"
He caught me by surprise, but I nodded and said yes. Then, he asked me if I invested in his particular industry, and I said no. He quickly responded, "Well, I’ll be the first one to change your mind," then he launched into his elevator pitch. He didn’t introduce himself, and he didn’t didn’t ask for my name (let alone my colleagues).
This doesn’t happen often, but I’ve seen people make terrible first impressions because they’re so focused on a transactional mindset. “I tell you about my business, you open doors for me.”
I want to pause and recognize that I love how passionate entrepreneurs are about their business and really enjoy listening to them. But the issue with this transactional mindset of networking is it focuses on getting what you want out of the relationship, instead of truly exploring what the connection you’re making could be.
Learn what you can do to help the other person
If you’re networking with people who are very influential, you’ll find they are accustomed to (and tired of) people needing something from them. Instead of validating their perspective, learn what you can do to help them instead.
For example, I learned that another founder wanted to do business in Brazil and was struggling to find a good tax lawyer with expertise there. I immediately shared a contact that I trusted. The founder was really grateful when the connection worked out, and since then has been extra supportive anytime I need an introduction to a person in their network, or even when I seek them out for guidance.
Invest in the connection
You can't build trust or deepen relationships with one conversation. Even if the time you have to follow-up with a new connection is limited, finding ways to express true interest in an ongoing way encourages them to do the same.
Here are a few things you can do to sustain an initial connection you made and further cultivate the relationship.
- If you exchanged contact information at an event or connected on LinkedIn, follow up with a brief thank you note and share any resources you promised.
- Send a quick email offering to grab a coffee and check in with them.
- Invite them to events you’re attending, or send them details on events they may find interesting.
Get comfortable with rejection
Last but not least, you need to get comfortable with rejections. If your attempts at networking are declined, transactional or otherwise, don’t take it personally. Networking may not be a priority for them right now. Stay respectful and kind, you never know when they might repost something from your LinkedIn!
I am a connector at heart and sincerely want to support people in my network the same way many have done for me in the past. To build a robust professional community where there is trust and reciprocity, unlearning the transactional approach to networking is imperative.
Relational networking is about building a strong network with all possible types of people. In doing so, you’ll make connections and achieve things that might surprise you.